Learning About Your Identity: Gender Identity vs. Sexual Orientation
Written by Cassandra Curado
Gender identity and sexual orientation can be important aspects of your identity. Being able to learn about your own identity can help you form a greater sense of self as you gain a better understanding of who you are. 2SLGBTQIA+ is an acronym commonly used in the queer community to represent the different gender identities and sexual orientations people hold. Over time you may learn new things about yourself and realize that your identity has changed. This blog post will give you information about gender identities, sexual orientations, and ways to learn about your identity as a whole.
Gender Identity
Gender identity refers to a person’s internal experience of gender and relates to WHO you are. The terms gender and sex are commonly used interchangeably, but they’re actually separate parts of identity. Where gender identity can change over time as an internal experience, sex is assigned at birth based on biological characteristics. If you identify with the sex you were assigned to at birth, you would be considered cisgender. If you identify with a gender that is different from the sex you were assigned at birth you may identify as transgender, gender neutral, non-binary, agender, pangender, etc.
Another aspect of gender identity is gender expression, which is how you choose to present your gender through femininity, masculinity, both or neither. A common way people express their gender is through the pronouns they use. Anyone can use any combination of pronouns to affirm their gender and sense of self including: he/him, she/her, they/them, etc. It’s important to use the correct pronouns when addressing other people to be both respectful and affirming.
Previous research found that those identifying as transgender were able to better gain a complete sense of self by changing their given name and using gender affirming pronouns. The ability to advocate for your preferred pronouns can affirm your sense of self while also improving your self-esteem and wellbeing. When people are misgendered, it can have detrimental effects on their mental health. Moving forward, try sharing your preferred pronouns first when interacting with people before asking how they wish to be addressed.
Sexual Orientation
Your sexual orientation or sexual identity is who you’re attracted to physically, sexually, romantically and/or emotionally. Today, there are a variety of sexual identities you may relate to including: straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, demisexual, etc. Being able to explore and understand your sexual orientation can bring a sense of wholeness to your identity. This sense of wholeness forms as you explore meaningful relationships that affirm your wants and needs. At the end of the day, we’re all just trying to figure out who we are. Through this learning process, parts of your identity are bound to change; gender and sexuality are just two parts of this journey.
Fluidity, Not Fixed
Whether you’re thinking about your gender identity or sexual orientation, there are an endless amount of labels that exist for you to choose from. However, just because a label exists and may describe how you feel doesn’t mean you have to use it for yourself. In fact, it’s 100% your choice whether you want to label yourself in any particular way. Only YOU can decide which label (if any) best describes you and your identity.
Both gender and sexual identities can stay the same or change overtime as each person develops. With new experiences you may learn things about yourself, like who you are or who you’re attracted to, all of which contribute to your sense of self. Luckily, we each have the ability to change how we identify and express ourselves. The opportunity to live your life how you choose to is one of the many perks of human life. Changing the different components of your identity doesn’t mean you’re confused, but that you’re simply learning more about yourself. As part of the human experience we’re forever changing. Think back to when you were a child; are you still the same person you were when you were 5 years old? Odds are, many parts of your identity have changed since then, and that can be expected.
It may be easier to think of gender and sexuality as existing along a spectrum, which is also known as gender/sexual fluidity. Both gender and sexuality can have a flexibility to them, as they change over time and may even differ from one day to the next. There’s no one right way to express your identity and live your life. Gender identity, sexual identity and the fluidity of both can often look different for different people. It’s up to you to learn about who you are, how you choose to identify and if you want to label yourself at all.
Learning About Your Identity
When you live in a heteronormative, cis-dominant society it can be really challenging to explore your gender identity and sexuality beyond this ‘norm’. Though there’s a wider understanding and acceptance for varying gender and sexual identities, it can still feel overwhelming to understand who you are in this context. Forming and understanding your identity is a lifelong process that can be complex and confusing. Here are some examples of how you can navigate through your identity journey in a way that’s best for you.
Getting Support
Journal → Try journaling about how you’re feeling. As you write, try connecting with your inner self: Who are you? How do you feel about yourself at this moment? What does your identity mean to you? Journalling can be a good starting point to create space for yourself to learn about what you want and how you feel.
Peer Support → Try connecting with others that may hold similar identities you relate to or are going through the same identity journey as you. This can be a great opportunity to share your experiences with others, feel heard and build a sense of community.
Connect with a Therapist → At The Relationship Agency we have therapists that specialize in LGBTQ+/queer identities and can support you through your identity journey.