How to Prepare for Couples Therapy
Written by Cassandra Curado
Oftentimes the term ‘couples therapy’ is surrounded by shame and embarrassment because people feel like they should be able to work through their relationship problems on their own. There can also be a lot of hesitancy around even admitting that you need to work on your relationship. Seeking out couples therapy shouldn’t be viewed as some type of social faux pas, but rather the opportunity to help your relationship flourish in a way that supports both you and your partner. With so many people avoiding the idea of couples therapy, it’s time to pull back the curtain and understand the true nature of couples therapy. This blog post will give you information on couples therapy, the benefits, and how you can prepare for your first session.
Couples Therapy: Renovating the Foundation
Think of your relationship as a house. With any house you buy, no matter how stable the foundation, eventually you’ll need to make some renovations. Your relationships work the same and there will come a point when you need to bring in some tools to help strengthen the foundation of your relationship. Sure, you could patch up the holes in the walls yourself, and put some duct tape on the leaking pipe, but sometimes it can be a lot more useful to hire a contractor (or a therapist) to help you renovate your relationship.
Now this may be shocking to hear, but EVERY relationship is bound to experience conflict - which makes sense because we all have our own unique perspective. With each relationship you have, you and your partner will bring different values, beliefs, and life experiences; all of which are bound to cause friction. Having conflict in your relationship isn’t the problem. The problem rather comes from not having the effective tools to manage these conflicts in a way that allows your relationship to grow. You may be thinking that you can work through these conflicts on your own, and that may be partially true. However, couples therapy can be a great opportunity to help you develop a healthy relationship as a team while also learning about yourself in the process.
With so many different types of therapy options out there it can feel overwhelming to know what will fit your needs best. Though couples therapy often addresses conflict within the relationship, the realm of possibility doesn’t end there. Here’s a very short list of possible topics you could explore through couples therapy:
Financial disagreements
Differences in beliefs and values
The dynamics of your relationship
Sex and intimacy
Physical and mental health concerns
Discussions surrounding children and family relationships
Communication skills
Benefits of Couples Therapy
As you try to decide if couples therapy is something you want, it may be helpful to know some ways it can help your relationship. Researchers have found that most couples will wait about 2.5 years before even considering couples therapy. On the plus side, couples therapy can be beneficial at any point in your relationship. Whether you’ve been together for a month or 25 years, exploring your relationship through couples therapy comes with the same benefits. Researchers reported that people that go to couples therapy feel more committed and satisfied with their relationship, even after counselling sessions have stopped. As you work with your therapist together, you can learn how to manage conflict, improve your communications skills, strengthen your friendship, and better understand each other.
Preparing for Your Session and Things to Consider
The fact that you’re reading this blog post and considering seeking help for your relationship is a big step that can take many people years to feel comfortable with. As you decide whether couples therapy is the route you want, take the time to reflect on these questions to help you feel better informed and prepared for your first session.
Are you and your partner both open to couples therapy?
For couples therapy to work as it’s intended, both people in the relationship need to be open to the idea of working together with a therapist. As you start to consider couples therapy, it’s important to have that conversation with your partner to see if they’re ready to take this step with you. Keep in mind that the idea of couples therapy can feel intimidating and shameful for some people. As you raise your concerns, try your best to validate their hesitations and reassure them through empathy. If your partner just isn’t ready, that’s okay. You can always seek support for yourself through individual counselling sessions first.
2. What role do you play in your relationship dynamics?
Before starting therapy, truly take a moment to reflect on the dynamics of your relationship. What role do you play in your relationship? What are the strengths you bring to the relationship? What are the weaknesses you bring to the relationship that could use some improvement? Taking the time to reflect on these questions can help promote accountability and stop you from putting all the blame on your partner. Couples therapy isn’t about criticizing, but rather working as a team, taking accountability and growing together.
3. What are your goals for your relationship and therapy?
Take the time to consider what you hope to get from the experience of couples therapy. Doing so can help you feel motivated throughout the process and help ensure you get what you need for your relationship. If you’ve already reflected on your relationship dynamic, these goals may be easier to identify. Do you hope to improve your communication skills? Do you want to learn how to better manage conflicts? Are you hoping to feel more satisfied with your relationship? Asking yourself these questions can give you some insight on what you want your therapist to help you work on.
4. What kind of therapist do you want?
When choosing a therapist it’s important to remember that they are there to support your relationship. They aren’t going to pick a side or criticize, but will remain neutral throughout your treatments. They are there to create a safe space for you and your partner to share your concerns, express your emotions and work together as a team to achieve your relationship and therapy goals.
“When I work with a couple, the relationship is my client. That means there’s no picking sides and no working on each other. You, the couple, will do the heavy lifting, but we will all work together as a team to improve the relationship.”
~ Michelle Garraway - The Relationship Agency Founder and Clinical Director
At The Relationship Agency we know how important your relationships are, and want to see you thrive in them. We have a team of therapists that are trained in specialized methods of couples counselling to support your relationship as a couple. We offer in person therapy in Oshawa and virtual sessions across Ontario. If you have any questions you can contact us or book a free consultation today.
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